My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
