If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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