If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
