Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
