Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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