Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
