Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
