ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
