I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
