At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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