Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
