A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
