It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
