She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
