Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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