Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
