I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
