At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
