How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
