the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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