omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
