Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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