sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
