what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
