Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
