Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
