i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
