I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
