its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
where are my eyebrows?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
