At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
