Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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