If that was your dad, he is hot
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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