I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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