I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
