Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
