I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
