I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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