I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
