what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
