I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
