Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
