Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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