My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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