I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
