i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
