Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
