Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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