well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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