she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
