I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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